7 Severn

The full line from The Lord’s Prayer is: “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

I am not a religious person, so why have I titled the post in this way?

When we are looking towards the betterment of ourselves and others. We should include everything about ourselves and others. Forgiveness plays it’s own part in that.

If we wish to make self-improvement, we cannot and must not carry around the weight that comes with being unforgiving. To be in an unforgiving state of mind, is to hold resentment. If this is the case, you cannot at the same time, be in the free and open state of mind required in order to forgive.

Now to forgive others doesn’t mean you forget about any actual or perceived wrongdoing. Neither does it mean you let others get away with anything. In fact, it has nothing to do with others and everything to do with ourselves.

We forgive others, in order that we may move on with our own lives. Free of any burden, such as resentment.

There are a number of ways that you may forgive. I share here two ways in which to do so. I came across and used them both whilst working on my own self-improvement.

The first:

Make a list of all those you are to forgive, going back as far as you can. This may be a long list and some will be easier than others to go through.

Look at each name in turn, and recall the wrongdoing. See the person(s) in your recollection. If you feel able. State: “I forgive you.” As you make your statement, really feel it… and then, let it go. Striking it from your list as you do so. Give it no more thought and move on.

If you come across any names on your list that you’re not able to forgive at this moment. Acknowledge but give it no further thought at this time, and continue to the next name.

When you have finished this first run through your list. Take a little time out to compose yourself, if required. You’ve done very well to reach this point.

For the second run through your list, we will be going a little deeper. Starting with the first remaining name. Ask yourself the following questions, noting them and their answers below each name: –

1. In what specific ways did you feel unappreciated, unacknowledged, or slighted?
2. In what ways are you planning (or imagining) to get even for what was done to you?
3. Is there a sense that forgiveness is possible? If not now, when?

If you are able to forgive them now, do so as described above and move on. Or, if you feel you may be in a place to forgive them in a day or two – do so at that time, and move on. Remember. We forgive others for our wellbeing – not theirs.

If however, you are still unable to forgive them at this stage. Keep hold of your questions and answers for each name and when you are able, move to my second suggestion.

The second:

This leads on from and goes further than the first. Write a letter to each remaining name, using the questions and answers as prompts.

At this stage, we go deeper still with those remaining on our lists. Each one will significantly take more time to go through than previously. Yet it is an important process in your self work. Please set aside a time and place, to take as much time as you feel necessary in compiling your letters.

Do not worry. You will not be sending them to the person(s) concerned. This is for your benefit – not theirs.

As you compile your letters, write them as though you are addressing the individuals in person. Include what they did, how they made you feel and the consequences you faced afterwards. Once you have all of that in writing. Add the following line at the end: “I am now moving on with my life, neither you or your actions at the time have a hold over me. I forgive you.” Then sign off the letter.

Now. Having “told” this person(s). The next thing you do is very important. You may wish to do this outside.

Cast your letter into a fire to make a final point. As you watch it burn, feel any remaining resentment lift from you. Imagine also, the recipient acknowledging your wishes. And make a final statement: “I forgive you.” If you are burning the letters collectively, you may wish to state each individuals name adding “I forgive you.” after each one. Such as: Throw a letter on the fire whilst announcing: “???? ?????, I forgive you.” Then another letter – and so on.

Allow yourself time after each one, to feel good about the progress you are making in your self-improvement. Do not give any further thought (power) to the individual(s).

If you have used my suggestions. Congratulations! You’re doing very beneficial work.

Feel free to share you’re thoughts with a comment.